Random Random

Wednesday, January 29, 2020


This is dedicated to all the people who took time and effort to destroy my name. That’s all you can do? Try harder! Well anyways may God bless your sad soul.

Bad Decision

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Bad Decisions


I admit. I have so many bad decisions in my life. It goes from the clothes I decide to buy and wear to what kind of food I decide to eat for lunch. Sometimes it involves people who I decide to go out at night or the person I choose to trust in my circle. Sometimes one bad decision could turn out great or one good decision could turn out worse. 

Last summer I made a decision to trust someone. That decision turned my life 180. All about me fell down. It made me question not just everyone around me but including myself.

I was unraveling. I always feel like I am failing everyone. I am failing myself most of all. I always feel like everyone is trying to put me down or better yet shake their heads and roll their eyes out at my decisions. 


And that fire inside me died. I got tired of my everyday life getting from point A to point B. That’s when I decided to drink heavily. Things got better and then great and now worse. 

I thought I am okay but it was just alcohol clouding and masking all my emotions inside. There are nights when I am just one bad decision away from not being here. I'm just tired. Tired of all the drama. I got tired of people in general. Noone is specific but just tired of human interaction. I'm tired of pretending that I am okay when I am emotionally unstable. 

Sometimes I start to question if things will ever be okay. Will I be able to trust people again? and I scramble coz usually  I have the answer ready.  Right now I have none. 

I need more time to heal myself. Need more time to learn to get right back up. I need more time to see the sunshine from this dark place, I'm, in. 

I’ve made this bed by myself. I know I can get out of this one on my own.


Coz hey life is GUCCI.

Lost

Friday, December 06, 2019






There are times when I felt like I am lost. Not lost physically but lost inside my mind.  Like days when I don’t even know myself. 

Believe me, there people in this world that would go out of their ways just to get on your side by telling all those lies. All they do is watch what I do and then post it like they know me through and through. 

Sometimes I just close my eyes and pray coz in times like these that is all I need. Im just so glad that I have people that are holding me down for real. 

Loyalty

Wednesday, November 27, 2019


Loyalty

As what I always say to you. I will ride through the bullshit with you if you dont bullshit me. The thing is that loyalty is not grey. It’s black or white. I thought you were just too young to figure it out so I pointed it out for you. You cant be loyal only when it serves you.

It’s either you learn that or I have to teach my self to let you go. Coz life has taught me that you cant control someone’s loyalty. No matter how good you are to them. It doesnt mean they will treat you the same. No matter how much you value them doesnt mean they value you the same. Sometimes the person you love the most, turns out to be the person you can trust the least.

Blood makes you related. Loyalty makes you family.

See Yah

Tuesday, November 12, 2019

Have you ever been someone’s secret they have to keep? Well I have. Not because they don’t love me but because there is this unwritten rule that a man is for a woman and vice versa. 

I was a secret he’s got to keep and nobody should know. I guess that’s how it’s supposed to be living in the country where it’s predominantly judgmental catholic.

 I will always remember how he gave me paradise by just hanging in the rest that’s coming from his sweet embrace. I could always see the stars in the morning everytime I look in his eyes. How he slowly melt my heart with just a smile whenever I say something silly.

I love the fact when you pretend that you don’t care a thing about me but every night you’re waiting for me. I know in the morning we looked like hell but we made heaven on my bed. 

In this love we made no promises about each other. You just said that you don’t want me to love you so much coz you don’t want me to get hurt. 

So maybe you never get to say goodbye. Is it because you were afraid to say it? Maybe just maybe. So let me say it for you. In capital letters. GOODBYE. SEEYAH