Random Random

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

This is dedicated to all the people who took time and effort to destroy my name. That’s all you can do? Try harder! Well anyways may God bless your sad soul.

Bad Decision

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Bad Decisions

I admit. I have so many bad decisions in my life. It goes from the clothes I decide to buy and wear to what kind of food I decide to eat for lunch. Sometimes it involves people who I decide to go out at night or the person I choose to trust in my circle. Sometimes one bad decision could turn out great or one good decision could turn out worse. 

Last summer I made a decision to trust someone. That decision turned my life 180. All about me fell down. It made me question not just everyone around me but including myself.

I was unraveling. I always feel like I am failing everyone. I am failing myself most of all. I always feel like everyone is trying to put me down or better yet shake their heads and roll their eyes out at my decisions. 

And that fire inside me died. I got tired of my everyday life getting from point A to point B. That’s when I decided to drink heavily. Things got better and then great and now worse. 

I thought I am okay but it was just alcohol clouding and masking all my emotions inside. There are nights when I am just one bad decision away from not being here. I'm just tired. Tired of all the drama. I got tired of people in general. Noone is specific but just tired of human interaction. I'm tired of pretending that I am okay when I am emotionally unstable. 

Sometimes I start to question if things will ever be okay. Will I be able to trust people again? and I scramble coz usually  I have the answer ready.  Right now I have none. 

I need more time to heal myself. Need more time to learn to get right back up. I need more time to see the sunshine from this dark place, I'm, in. 

I’ve made this bed by myself. I know I can get out of this one on my own.

Coz hey life is GUCCI.