Bad Decision

Bad Decisions

I admit. I have so many bad decisions in my life. It goes from the clothes I decide to buy and wear to what kind of food I decide to eat for lunch. Sometimes it involves people who I decide to go out at night or the person I choose to trust in my circle. Sometimes one bad decision could turn out great or one good decision could turn out worse. 

Last summer I made a decision to trust someone. That decision turned my life 180. All about me fell down. It made me question not just everyone around me but including myself.

I was unraveling. I always feel like I am failing everyone. I am failing myself most of all. I always feel like everyone is trying to put me down or better yet shake their heads and roll their eyes out at my decisions. 

And that fire inside me died. I got tired of my everyday life getting from point A to point B. That’s when I decided to drink heavily. Things got better and then great and now worse. 

I thought I am okay but it was just alcohol clouding and masking all my emotions inside. There are nights when I am just one bad decision away from not being here. I'm just tired. Tired of all the drama. I got tired of people in general. Noone is specific but just tired of human interaction. I'm tired of pretending that I am okay when I am emotionally unstable. 

Sometimes I start to question if things will ever be okay. Will I be able to trust people again? and I scramble coz usually  I have the answer ready.  Right now I have none. 

I need more time to heal myself. Need more time to learn to get right back up. I need more time to see the sunshine from this dark place, I'm, in. 

I’ve made this bed by myself. I know I can get out of this one on my own.

Coz hey life is GUCCI.