Confessions of a Compulsive Liar

Monday, February 23, 2009

I know that living in this world is not easy. How much more if you’re gay with all the insecurities a person could possibly have. Added by having a dysfunctional family, then went from having it all to almost having nothing at all. I've been through a lot in my life. Lot's of stuffs that nobody even cared to explain because I don't understand everything that's been happening around me. I was lost and confused. That's when I got into alcohol and messed up a lot in high school. I was having a hard time trying to fit in. I tried to hang out with all types of people, bad and good. I lied, I bluffed, I exaggerated things, and I made up stories so that I could feel that I belong if they think that I'm all that. It's a madness that I can't just turn off. An addiction more potent than heroine.

And all those stuffs are haunting me now. Things got out of control and I think that I am to Blame. The People that I truly cared for are now going away. I'm dying inside. I felt so empty and hollow. I realized this when a very close friend of mine started to ignore me. He was fed up by the lame excuses that I told him. I know that I'm not the same anymore. I know I had to change.

As I enter a new chapter in my life, I have to renovate my inner self. Start anew. I can't continue living like this.

I don't want you to forgive me so that I could come out clean. I just want you to understand and maybe in the long run, slowly you'll find it in your heart to accept me.

I just want you to know that, No matter what I'll always be here for you.

So This is Me...

I'm Jan Errol P. Duazo and I'm a Liar.

I made it

Friday, February 20, 2009

This is one of those post that you might find corny and unnecessary. Feel free to close this window, I won't mind.

Today I just received the ticket to a better tomorrow. I'm now a Registered Nurse. It's a bittersweet victory I must say. Knowing that some of my friends never made it. I couldn't just rejoice at the top of my lungs.

This is for the people who have helped me along the way.

To My Parents for their undying love and Support.
To our Dean and to the Faculty, You Taught us Well..
To Miss Daryl T. Aramil, Mr. Giovanni Verano, Miss Hanna B. Pilario and Miss Abegail Uy, Teching me what I refused to learn.
To Reinaflor "anday" Jusay for visiting me while I was on rehab.
To Ernest Roan "lil xylem" Dalag, for the late night txts when I can't sleep because of anxiety.
To Keisha Najarro, Roldan Conde, Wynonna Salazar for pushing me up when I was so down.
To My Rehab Roommates, Pinky, Gergen, Lorelyn, Cyril "maretes", and Jane "dayang", Rehab wont be the same without you. Those were memories that lasts a lifetime.
To the People who believed in me, Thank you.
To the People who never believed in me, Hey Look where I am Now.



Pre Valentine Dramz

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

There was this guy from my hometown that I really love. I swear.. Way back in my elementary days to my High School years. I know that it’s not right, it’s not even normal, I think. So I suppressed it. I left the town right before My Senior Year in High School just to close the doors of the past. I still come back every once in a while for a day or two, so that there would be no chance of seeing him. And it has been Six years since then.

I thought I was over him, so I decided to go back and stayed longer than I used to. It’s been 3 weeks and we've been seeing each other, hangout, eat out together. I know that I was over him. Well I thought I knew. We've talked about things and catch up on each other. Everything went well.

Till one night when we went out together. He told me that his heart was breaking. He told me everything about this girl that I really know and how she broke his heart. He cried in front of me and sob til dawn. I've never seen a guy break out like that. He said that he still needs me when he stumble and fall like what we used to. I think that it's just okay coz we're friends. She is one lucky B*tch.

What surprised me more was my heart. I don't know what to call that feeling but it hurts. I don't want to see him cry or hurt. Even though I think that his problem is not worth my time but I just can't leave him behind like that.

Right now I'm lost. I don't know where to put myself.

I'm really confused.

Am I rekindling the old flame that I’ve tried to put off or It's just a friendly PITY that I'm Feeling.

Please Help Me..