Appreciation Post

 Last Friday in therapy, our conversation was centered on appreciation. It made me slow down and really think about the things I sometimes take for granted. Too often, life moves so quickly that we forget to notice what’s already here, what’s already holding us up, and what’s already worth celebrating.

I appreciate that I am alive. That simple truth feels bigger the more I sit with it. Being here, breathing, waking up each day with another chance to live, to learn, to love, is something I no longer want to overlook.

I am thankful for the small but meaningful circle of friends that I have. They may not be many, but they are enough. They are the kind of people who make ordinary days lighter and difficult days more bearable. Their presence reminds me that love doesn’t have to be loud or grand; sometimes it’s just in the quiet check-ins, the shared laughter, or the understanding silence when words aren’t needed.

And above all, I am deeply grateful that my mom is still here with me. Her presence is a constant source of comfort, strength, and love. Knowing that I still get to spend time with her, hear her voice, and share life with her is something I treasure more and more each day.

Life is not always smooth or perfect, but when I choose to notice the things I already have, I realize how much beauty there is around me. Appreciation shifts everything. It turns ordinary into extraordinary, it makes scarcity feel like abundance, and it reminds me that even in the middle of struggles, there are always reasons to be thankful.

Healing Isn’t Always Linear

 I had to make an appointment with my therapist today, because honestly, life has been feeling heavier than I know how to carry on my own.

The things I once prayed for don’t feel the same anymore. The job, the routines, the relationships no longer bring the comfort they used to. I feel disconnected from myself, from my purpose, even from the people I love. Some days it feels like I’m just trying to hold everything together with shaky hands.

It feels as if everything around me is shifting at once. Relationships I thought were solid start to feel fragile. My health feels unpredictable. Finances are tighter than ever. In the middle of all that, I find myself asking if any of this still makes sense, if I even chose the right path.

There are moments I catch myself longing to go back to the start, to figure out where I went wrong, to fix everything all at once. But the truth is, I’m exhausted. Carrying all of this weight has left me drained. And yet, even in this heaviness, a small part of me remembers that I’ve been through storms before. I’ve made it through days I was certain would break me. Somehow, I survived what I thought I couldn’t.

So today, I chose to pause. I chose to ask for help. I chose to admit that I can’t do it all alone. Making that appointment wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Because even when everything feels like it’s falling apart, I know deep down I still want to fight for myself, for my healing, for the life I deserve.

I don’t have it all figured out, and I don’t feel okay right now, but I believe I will be. Step by step, breath by breath, I’ll get there.

The Question That Shook Me in Therapy

 Last Friday in therapy, I was asked a question I wasn’t ready for:

“When was the last time you truly felt loved?”

Not the kind of love you get from family, not the loyalty of friends, but the kind of love where someone chooses you. The kind that makes you feel safe, wanted, and deeply seen.

And for a moment, I just sat there in silence. My mind went blank.
Because the truth was… I had no memory to hold onto.
No moment I could point back to.

So I said it out loud.
“Never. I don’t think I’ve ever truly felt that kind of love.”

And as the words left my mouth, it stung. Because I realized how much of my life I’ve spent being “needed” but not “wanted.” Being used, but not chosen. Being there for others, but never really feeling like anyone wanted to be there for me.

It’s a painful thing to admit.
To acknowledge that I’ve been carrying this emptiness for so long.
But maybe that’s also the beginning of healing—finally seeing the wound for what it is.

I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know this: I’m learning to stop settling for scraps of affection disguised as love. I’m learning that I deserve to be chosen. To be loved for who I am, not just for what I can give.

And maybe the first step is choosing myself, fully and unapologetically.

✨ Have you ever felt the same way—that you were needed, but not truly wanted?

Healing, Even on the Days I Spiral

 Healing isn’t linear. Some days you rise, some days you spiral. Both are part of the process.

Last Friday’s therapy session was heavy. I sat across from my therapist, heart wide open, unpacking layers of pain I didn’t even know I was still carrying. We talked about my struggles with abandonment and attachment. How I tend to hold on tightly to people, even when they were never meant to stay.

I’ve always worn my heart on my sleeve. I love deeply. I trust easily. I give without asking much in return, and because of that, I often get attached to people who are only just passing through my life.
People with their own timelines, their own purposes. People who sometimes leave without warning.

And every time, it hurts like hell. Because I placed so much weight and value on people who didn’t even see my worth.

But something clicked last week. Something inside me shifted.
I realized that not everyone is meant to be a forever. Some are just temporary. Here to teach a lesson, bring clarity, or reveal something about ourselves. And I have to stop giving permanent space in my heart to people who were never meant to stay.

Still, healing doesn’t always feel empowering.

Today, I spiraled a bit.
I got invited to an event, a chance to go out, meet people, maybe have a little fun. But I chose to stay home. Not because I didn’t want to go… but because I was scared.
Scared of feeling again.
Scared of connecting.
Scared that if I opened up, I’d get attached to someone new… and get hurt all over again.

That fear. It’s real. And today, it won.
But I’m not beating myself up over it.
Because sometimes protecting your peace looks like saying no.
Sometimes it’s staying in instead of forcing yourself to “be okay.”
Sometimes it’s giving yourself grace when your heart feels too fragile to risk again.

I’m still learning. Still healing. Still trying to balance my softness with strength.

But I know this much now:
My heart is not broken. It’s rebuilding.
And I’m not done yet.

🕊️ One day at a time. One breath at a time. 🤍