Happy Mother's Day

My Mother, She is the definition of a super Hero, she did everything that she could just for us to have best life possible. She give up her career to focus on us. We say thank you to people for opening doors for us. We say thank you to people for giving us things but thank you doesn't go a long way when it comes to my mom. If I could be half the person that she is I would be set for life. I don't really say tender things but when I say I love you I really mean it. I love you ma

I Have Issues

Now, everybody wanna know what my facebook posts were up to. I know it got you thinking about the things that I am up to. I was caught up into a chain of emotions I shouldn't be feeling. I have been wrong before and I never really learned anything. I wore my heart on my sleeves and trust people so easily. So I let them in my life and give people the chance. I only mean well to them. I have been holding my breath and hope that when people get close enough they wont leave. That when I show them the real me they wont pack their bags. That they wont unsubscribe to all my issues. 

Maybe I should have known that people would just walk out of your life without warning. I can't believe I stayed up all night thinking of reasons why. I just have to make myself understand. 

I've been fucked up by people so many times. Seems like I don't get jaded with what this vicious cycle had been to me. 

It gives me trust issues. I can't keep on acting like nothing is wrong with my life. Everything is wrong. I am so fucked up. I am so empty so broken inside.

Sometimes I just have to fake a smile coz it's the easiest thing to do. I wonder if everything about me could be fake so nothing will be broken again. 

I wonder if people fight with all the battles I fight in my mind. I wonder when they turn off the lights will their demons go out at night? Does it also scare them to go to bed thinking about how the next day will play out?

I have finally figure out how to build walls around my emotions. I had it so high that people can't look over. I got it side to sides and keep myself in where it is safe. 

I don't want to feel anything. I have go push this feelings in and pretend that they don't exist anymore.

I have to look at people with my head held up high and eyes closed. They don't have know that deep inside I'm such a mess. 

Fuck feelings I am here to party!! 

Summer Foodgasm

The best thing about spending summer here in the Philippines is the Food. It is always unlimited. Everywhere I go there's always something to eat.

I Miss you this Summer

I know I am crazy but I miss these two. 

My Summer Crew

I'm ringing in summer with them!

Shade

I never thought I could hate someone with the same amount of passion that I loved them with...but I do.

How did I get into this position I am in. You see what you are doing to me made me have to shout it out.

You turned out to be the person you promised you would never be. Now tell me, did it make you feel better after doing it. How could you put me down while you are pulling yourself up? You made me look bad just to make yourself look good. I don't think your Jesus would approve of that. 

I don't know about this twisted game you are playing but I can play it better than you. Your mind is so weak, just a little shake and I could see you break. 

Was it me coz you had me believing all that shit that you never really mean. I must admit. You got me goin there.  

I was just wondering when you kneel in front of Jesus and look back at the things you are doing, does it make you shake even a little?

Whatever works for you, just do you and when I do me, just let me be. Stop telling me how I'm gonna be. 

I'm not gonna lie. Right now, I so fucking hate you.

Summer 102

An amazing summer adventure should be shared with friends and people you love.

Summer 101

To have an amazing summer you don't need to go far. An adventure could be just outside your doors. By that I mean it literally. 

Just grab your closest friends and put your stereo mad loud. With that right kind of mix, you are in for the time of your life.

Summer 2015

Let's jumpstart summer now.

Open Letter to my Friends

I don’t know where to start. I guess I have to start by saying I am sorry. I am really sorry.  I am sorry for the fact that it came to the point where in you have to meddle with what is happening to my personal life. I am sorry because I am so immature and I made decisions on impulse. Now, what was I thinking? I thought that leaving would make a big difference in my life, but it will only escalate all my problems. I am sorry for the things that I have done and for the things I have to do in order for me to be okay.

To be honest, for the last weeks I didn’t know where I stand. I didn’t understand myself. I was lost. Then I have realized that you have to be lost in order to find yourself again. You have to be broken so that you could create a better you.

This whole process, it helped me figure out the person that I was and the person that I am going to be. I thought I was strong but now I know I was wrong. I was hurt. I am still hurt but not in a way that the pain destroys me. It inspired me to be a better person and that’s the person that I am going to be. Slowly but surely. I will get there.

I know that I owe you a lot of explanations for my flaws but it doesn’t mean that I am justifying my mistakes. I have to make progress not excuses for my shortcomings. I am growing professionally and personally. I am learning from my mistakes.

This was the first time that it happened to me. It was hard but what was harder is losing myself in the process.

For a moment there, I have doubted myself. It made me feel less. That feeling made me want to leave. I have to get away from the hurt and the pain. I thought that staying would make me relive the horror each and everyday . I have to leave not because I am selfish but because it is necessary. I have to protect myself everyday.  As every mental picture replays every day in my mind, it made me feel numb and it made me used to the pain. It made me stronger than what I really am.

I have to stand up. I have to pick myself up. I don’t care how hard it is. I don’t care if I am going to be disappointed but I am not going to let this get the best of me.

There are people in my life that I made a priority. They even come before me. In return, they just walked away. You might not know this about me but if something happens to my friends I'd go out of my way just to make sure that they are okay. I don't know if this whole thing is just friendship or relationship but  when it ended it hurts like hell. You know what hurts more? It's when people walked out of your life and leave you there hanging. Seems like nobody had the decency to say goodbye nowadays.

I have learned the value of experience. Although I haven't seen things clearly. I am forever thankful for the things I never imagined I could be. If it wasn't for the liars, I wouldn't  know the qualities of a trustworthy person. If it wasn't for the pain, I wouldn't know the value of peace. If it wasn't for the good things falling apart, I wouldn't know what is needed to build the foundation of something great. I have learned the hard way the power of acceptance thru my disappointment. For every letdown has left me in a position to grow and I am wiser because of it all. I now had the courage to stay open and that has only made me better.

For all those things, I still want to thank you.

I promise to stay because now I know that it is where I belong. It is a part of me.

xo