Null Hypothesis

Im still anticipating on the things to come. Sometimes i feel so optimistic to where this fake relationship would lead me. I tried to take the road less traveled but nothin was goin right. Still that same old story that's startin to unfold over and over again.


I guess my betch sester was right. I had to embrace the null hypothesis and move on with my life. I know that this is such a lonely place to be but I had to endure. I've been there a lot of times. Made me feel how dumb I was.

I guess this is me and Love.. We had issues.

Sometimes I wish that you are MINE

A Gay Life

Wish I could take you guys back to the day when all of this craziness begun and defy all odds.

Hahahahaha.. How I wish this could all be real... But its true... I love him.. but he doesn't love me back.. Well anyway its okay.. At least, he doesn't spoil my dreams of loving him.. He knows about this.. and funny thing about this is..

I wish I could be stronger to resist but I can't. He always make me weak in the knees. I've been so careful not to fall but I did.. I know you guys are raising your eyebrows and I know that you wanted to tell me how stupid I am..

Well yeah I'm stupid.. I wanted to shout his name at the top of my lungs... And every time I look at the sky I see his name written in the skyline.. Stupid.. maybe more than that.. I'm crazy in love with him.. ha hay..

Wish B.O.B and Hayley were right.(.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kn6-c223DUU)

Wish we could make wishes out of airplanes then maybe all of this will come true..

This Song Breaks My Heart, AGAIN!

This Song perfectly hits me. Eventhough I've heard it over and over again. I still had that same old feeling. Same old heartache that I felt from that guy I was going gaga from work.



oa mode

Yet Another Heart Break!

Yeah yeah yeah! I know what you're thinking right now. Again right? Yes, I'm broken and for some lame reason. I can't help myself, it's like a mean cycle I just can't quit. I know that this will happen sooner or later.



I can't help but fall for him. He is the man of my dreams. Yes I had dreams too, and it's pathetic. Thinkin that he might love me back which I definitely know even with the slimmest chance, wont be true. I'm hypnotized. It's getting out of control.



My friends told me that I should stop and its as if I don't learn. Yes, I've learned from my mistakes it's just that you guys were given the world (you're straight and I'm not) and I had to take everythin by chance. I needed this to show me who I'll be in the end. I know I'm strong and this thing right here (points to the heart) wont take long to heal. And just because You guys can't see me cry or bleed it doesn't mean that this heartache isn't deep. But don't worry coz I'll get over this, just like before.

I know that I'll always be blessed coz I had you guys on my back, constantly loving and pushing me. Wish I could put this thing behind me easily so that I could be up and about just like what I used to.

Damnation!

BS* I thought that I finally got my angel and finally got what I've always wanted. Things were going smooth. He's everything I thought a perfect boyfriend could be. He's the only that I want, he came in to my heart uninvited. As what I've always said to my friends that, he keeps my feet on the ground and keeps my mind wonderin. I've always known that he's a trainwreck but I didn't love him any less. He meant the world to me even though people say that he's so crazy.

He said that he wanted to see me everyday after work but I said no way, but deep inside I was dying to give it a try coz I knowhe's mine. He makes me feel like Im his number 1.I never had nobody who showed how to treat me right other than him.







this is for you... you know who you are!!!!!

In a World of Make Believe You are MINE!

Edilson Nascimento

Sounds so scary but I can't help but fantasize!!!

Credits: junior magazine and edilsonnascimento.com

Blind Dates Anyone?

Have you ever had a blind date dilemma? I have been into a lot of it. Way back in college I had a friend who keep on tryin to get me hitched with some random guy. I give him a perfect 10 for effort but I only went out to see 1 guy. It's not really my thing. I let things fall into their places.

Blind dates could be a train wreck or a Perfect date. So here are my tips on how to avoid a train wreck date.


1. Never go out with someone you just met online or a perfect stranger.
2. Meet him in a place where there's a lot of people. (not a market place ok)
3. Tyra once said in her talkshow that " you should choose a restaurant where the food is fast but not a fastfood" I suggest try a Japanese restaurant. Coz if something goes wrong, you can easily walkout of it.
4. Try to look bright and shiny but not too shiny and bright.
5. Enjoy


If all else fail, Shut it down

I Should Move on

These past few days I was so lost and was living in an alternate reality. I admit I've fallen In love with the Idea that I was in love. Got crazy and gone gaga over a guy who is seemingly truthful and gentle and almost unreal. At first, I thought that I was dreaming. I am dreaming wide awake. Misunderstanding everything that he does. Thinking everything was for me and putting colors to almost everything. (i am crazy i admit)

A man is for a woman and a woman is for a man.

I was taken aback by this idea. This made me realize that I had to go back to reality and I couldn't take him with me. I still love him but I get myself away from him just to save that little amount of sanity left inside my head. This is very far and out from the person that I was then. Letting go is never easy for me and to start all over again is the only option I have.

I wanna be wild and carefree like I used to.

Loving Secretly

This is really annoying but hey this is the state I am currently on. This is like suicide, waiting for someone to love you back. Craving for his attention and time. Allowing him to swoop you off your feet by just doing nothing.

Pathetic, maybe but you can't just teach your heart to stop beating for that person. My heart had a mind on its on. You can't just control it to like someone else.


I don't even understand myself why I took this road. All I know is when he's near I feel butterflies on my stomach and I see the birds and the bees.

This topic closes this way..

A Lesson Well Learned

Today I received a text message from a close friend.

Misunderstanding the Sweetness of a Person Might Hurt When You Thought It Was Love

This is his subtle way of reminding me that my insanity about a guy had gone too far. That I've pushed the limits and that all I've done is not worth it.

Thank you so much!

Loving on the Rebound!!!!!!!!!!!

So here I am again. Loving someone, so easily, yeah right, but I can't help myself. He was there when I need someone to talk to. He was my shoulder to cry on. He understands why my tears are falling. He did the sweetest thing in the world. He heard the sound of my broken heart. (corny ra) He makes my world like a beautiful rhyme I just hope that he won't change track.


The Saddest part is he is straight and he doesn't know that I like him.

You could be mad at me all you want but I ain't coming back and not loving him.
I'm losing myself....

I think I need to go to rehab.......


I don't know.. I must be crazy..

Long Distance Relationship is CRAP

I used to think that when you fall in love with someone you'll never fall out of it. That when you feel that it's real, it would endure time and distance. That love will make me happy.

These past few weeks I've been away from the guy that I love and truly cared for. I thought the distance would be bridged and everything will be alright. Space had tested us so soon into this relationship. Things had changed between us. Maybe because I jumped into this relationship with my eyes closed and my heart on my hands. I took that risk without any reservations. Certainly some risks are not worth it.

You won't hear that "it's not you, it's me" line coz it was definitely him. I'm just so stupid not to figure it out. So sad that I ignored all the signs thinking that maybe it's just me and that I'm just paranoid. He's been acting strange and been so cold. I know that something was up.

Just don't go next to me and apologize, coz it's too late to do that. Baby I'm already out of the door. Thank you for ignoring me, coz that really helped me made up my mind. I know it's not gonna be easy but I'll get by.

CONCLUSION: Long Distance Relationships wont work.. I THINK....

Ouch!

I was bloghopping today and I bumped into my friend's blog. There's nobody in this world that could compare what he had been through. I admired his strength for throwing his pride towards the guy, but I found this conversation between them quite funny... I'm sorry C.

one morning....

me: good morning D, can i ask you a question?

no reply....

one day passed by....

two days....

that afternoon...

him: hi C! sori now lang ko ka reply. wats ur question diay? (hey c sorry, If I just replied to your message, what were u asking again?)

ignored him...

that night...

me: hi D! are you busy?

him: no. wats ur question diay?

me: hmmm what would you say if i told you i liked you? i really liked you?

him: salamat (thank you)

me: that's it?!

him: yep...salamat kaayu!(thank you so much)

me: uhh okay...so can we go out sometime?

him: pass lang ko ana C. (ill pass)

SYET! WA NAI MAS BUSTED PA ANI?!

Love or Money?

I have a friend who is really confused about a guy she is currently seeing. She asked me if the Guy was really into her or is he only dating her because of her money.

For one, the guy looked so awful, he was like a picture of someone with a scarlet fever and some scars for a face. He had the thickest nerve for making my friend pay up for everything that he needs. I'm tellin you he's a complete and utter "A".

I don't want to burst her bubble just like that, but I don't want her to live a life of lies. So I said Open your eyes and see reality because there are things that we couldn't see because our heart was blocking the view. Sometimes we couldn't view things clearly because we wanted to satisfy what our heart had always crave right from the start, we refuse to accept the fact that he was just lying and we hope that he was telling the truth.


And after all this when we're all sucked up and exhausted that's when we realize that things are not going right and regret sinks in...


There's no one to blame because there's always that part of ourselves that needs to love and be loved may it be for real love or just for money.

things i dont understand about my mom

1. why does she have to nag before giving me money. its really irritating to my ears every time she does that. and its a total waste of time because after all the nagging she's gonna give it anyway so why nag??

2. why do i have to ask permission everytime i go out. look im already 21 and im still not allowed to go out at night on saturdays.. look mom im the only 21 years old gay virgin these days.. and that sucks...this is why sneaking out existed and i love it... the fear of getting caught makes the partying all worth it..

3. Every time i confide a secret at her and uses it against me. like its not fair coz everytime i tell her something that she's not allowed to tell she'll use that to blackmail me... so mom watch out imma blackmail u too... in time

4. why am i not allowed to be late when she is always 30 minutes late everytime we see each other. this is really unfair because she hates it everytime i made her wait but when im late its another long nagging time...

5. All she does best is worrying. she worries all the time . every minute every day she checks up on me and asks if i have eaten or not. and tells me not to go home late.. blah blah blah.. aw that sucks right.


Look i don't really hate my mom... these are the things i actually love about her...


ttys
lorre

My DAY

Just got a year older and it makes me wonder why we had to grow old when its our birthday. Wish it was Just a Happy day and not worry about being a year older...

OK I'm twenty something and I'm worried about what's gonna happen to my life now. Thinking about responsibilities and maturity scares the bones out of me...

My Birthday thoughts

1. I definitely need a love life. The one who would love me like I love him.
2. I need to start looking for a day job...
3. For some reasons I felt like I'm so Empty Inside, but don't try to fix me, I'm not broken.
4. Many People asked me why I spell b*tch like betch. Well Hello, Bisaya version kaya na.. and I'm not stupid. I also use that word not in an offensive or cursing kind of way and for me it means HOTTIE, or, awesome and so on...


So thats it...

TTYS
BYE

On Loving

When you love someone, don't hesitate to show your feelings coz you can never leave some footprints if your walking on tiptoe. When you give in to love, give in all the way. Give love your 110% so that at the end of the day you will never ask yourself all those crazy what if's. But you should never take love abruptly or impulsively. Take those baby steps and let love bloom into a beautiful orchid. Before you spread your legs. Think before you act. Think about things over and over again because sometimes what we think is right may not always be the right thing to do. Love takes time. Remember IF it's true love, it could DEFINITELY wait.